The Genderbending of Haruhi Suzumiya
by McMaZ1Ng
Summary: The second term has started for Kyon and the gang, and the SOS BRIGADE seems to be off on somewhat of a bad start. Well, Kyon is anyway. After engaging in a brief argument with Haruhi over a love letter, things get a little hectic. Now, Kyon has to deal with strange thoughts, more deadly scenarios, a new playing field, and a new body to boot. Intoducing Kyon's female self, Kyonko!
1. Chapter 1-- Prologue

Chapter 1.

The Genderbending of Haruhi Suzumiya

You would think that after all of the crazy shenanigans that Haruhi had put me through, I would be used to the strange, eccentric, and dangerous scenarios popping up all the time right? Wrong! For over a year now, I've hung out every day it seems like in the Literature Club room with my fellow SOS Brigade members. It's become part of my daily routine to interact with an alien, time traveler, and an esper; people who the entire world for the most part agree don't and can't exist. I've been trapped in closed spaces, attacked by giant crickets from outer space, and almost killed on a number of occasions. But none of the Haruhi centered anomalies that eradicated my once average high school life could prepare me for what would happen next. And when I say it caught me off guard, I mean like an unsuspecting fly that just happened to land in the mouth of a Venus Fly Trap. Only if I were the fly, it would be more like I was pushed in rather than lazily coming to rest there. And this event, like all the others before it, started on another typical day, where normal people wouldn't have thought twice about whether they'd wake up the next day a totally different person.

"UGH!" Haruhi shouted as she slammed the clubbed room door open. She was in one of those moods again. Koizumi could expect to deal with another closed space later on. She blasted past me and threw herself into her roller chair. "I can't stand normal people sometimes!" I wonder what I did wrong this time.

"What happened?" I asked while sipping from my cup of gloriously brewed tea from the graceful hands of Ms. Asahina. I couldn't care less as to what was bothering her this time. I would much rather just sit and enjoy my cup of heaven. But I had to make it seem like I had at least some interest in her troubles, or else it was bad news for all of us. Haruhi reached into her bag and pulled out a small light blue envelope. She flicked it at me with a less than enthusiastic expression and just kept staring out the window. On the front of the letter were the words 'To Suzumiya Haruhi san'.

"What's this?"

"See for yourself."

I opened the envelope to find green notebook paper on the inside. I couldn't believe what it read and ended up rereading it to myself a couple times over just to assure myself of what was written.

"Ever since I first laid my eyes on you I've felt this tugging in my heart. No matter how hard I try to suppress my feelings they come back even stronger. Please meet me behind the gym today at 4:45 so I can express my true feelings." was written in neat text across the lined paper. I had to keep myself from laughing. I can't believe someone actually wrote a love letter to Haruhi of all people. I wonder if that person knew what they would be getting themselves into. It was already almost 6, so the time listed on the note was long past.

"Did you go and see who wrote this?" I inquired. For some reason I had this strange feeling, like I was jealous of this secret admirer.

"Of course I did."

"So, who was it?"

"Some freshman from Kouyoen Academy. I've never even seen the guy once in my life before and he just up and confesses to me!" Haruhi was really aggravated about it. I guess that means she turned him down. Maybe I could tell Taniguchi that she actually turned a guy down. I'm sure he would get a real kick out of it.

"Yeah if it were me I'd at least attempt to get to know the girl before I ask her to go out with me." I interjected

"Oh yeah, well no one asked you anyway!" she shouted back. Something about this conversation seemed a little familiar. "Being a girl at this age is so hard!" she sighed, "The guys around here are all pigs!" That was a pretty rough statement

"Hey! Not all guys are terrible. It's sort of a two way street you know? Some guys just go around doing whatever the heck they want. But others actually take others into account. Same goes for the girls. Some really don't care what others think and just go around doing whatever (Not naming any names), but others are nice and gentle and actually care about what people feel. You can't help how some people act or behave. That's just the way they are. There's no rhyme or reason to it. and besides, if they're weren't people in the world that you didn't like or wanted to prove something to then no one would ever strive to better then one of those self-centered or clueless types of people."

"Whatever..."Haruhi pouted and turned back to the window. If I remember correctly, the last time a conversation between me and Haruhi rambled on like this it led to me unintentionally inspiring her to start up the SOS Brigade. Maybe this topic is what started the event that transpired the following morning. Or at least I would hope it to be that simple.

I looked to Koizumi and he just shrugged and smiled that annoying smile of his. Something about that look just pisses me off.

Haruhi was silent for the rest of the club meeting until she decided she wanted to leave. Slowly, the remaining club members took their leave as well, and before I knew it, I was walking in my front door to be greeted by my overly enthusiastic little sister.

"Hi Kyon!" she screamed into my ear.

"I really wish you would stop calling me that. Why don't you just call me by my real name or at least call me 'Big Brother' or something. It's your fault that everyone started calling me that anyway. Why don't you show your big bro a little respect?" My argument made no appeal on her, but I wasn't really in the mood to fret about it. The heat had drained my tank on the walk home. All I was focused on doing was eating and getting some sleep. I'd save whatever I wanted to say for another time.

I slept amazingly that night. No tossing or turning. No weird dreams. No phone calls to wake me up in the middle of the night. It was the best sleep I had gotten in long time. But it was also my calm before the storm. If I was aware of the hell that I would have been awoken to the next morning, I wouldn't have slept a wink. I would be scrambling out of my mind trying to figure out a way to prevent it. But there was nothing I could do. Nothing anyone could do. Because what happened that night at whatever time the event was triggered, came from so far out of left field that you would have needed the HUBBLE SPACE TELESCOPE to see it coming.

The day was Wednesday.


	2. Chapter 2-- I Hate Wednesdays (Part 1)

My eyes creek open. My vision is still obscured from a mass something blocking my face. What is it? Hair? I probably should have noticed something was up right then and there. My brain, however, was still pretty much totally asleep. But the small portion of my conscious mind that was active drove me to shuffle my way out the door to my bedroom.

"Water..." my thoughts uttered. The idea repeated itself over and over again like a broken record.

One of the only things I hate about summer is how it causes your mouth to dry up even when you sleep. My mouth was so dehydrated you could have used my tongue to sand down a two by four.

My feet slowly crept their way down the stairs as not to wake the rest of my family since it was still at least an hour before dawn. I felt as if the objects around me were taller then usual, but the desire to quench the unbelievable thirst I was suffering from pushed the realization aside and I continued onwards.

Groggily, I stumbled into the kitchen, poured myself a fresh glass of cold tap water, and chugged the whole thing in 5 seconds flat. My tongue no longer felt like a piece of sandpaper, but the on-track mindedness continued. My head went from focusing on quenching an extreme thirst, to relieving myself. So as gracefully as a half asleep zombie with a bladder on the verge of bursting could, I inched my way back up stairs towards the bathroom.

With a twist of the door handle, the door opened and i flicked the light switch on. Damn it. Who even made light bulbs so bright in the first place? As my eyes began to adjust to the burst of white that filled the room, they noticed a figure standing directly in front of me.

A girl. She stared me directly in the eyes. She had long, dark brown hair that could have easily surpassed her shoulders if it wasn't for the fact that it had been flopped in every direction imaginable. Her golden brown eyes were blood shot with a tired look that made her look like she was annoyed to be awake. Her short, thin body wasn't helped in the size department by the loose, deep red night gown she wore. "What the..." I heard her mutter in a highly pitched voice.

Wait. What? I swear my lips moved a second ago, but all I heard was the feminine tone of the stranger in front of me.

I reached my arm forward and she did the same. I touched my face, but she moved along with me. No matter how I move, she makes the same motion. Though it wasn't like she was mimicking me. Instead it seemed like she knew what I was doing before I did it. Every movement was in sync. Who ever this girl was, she ws really beginning to piss me off! It was at that moment I noticed the glare of light across her waste. That could mean only one thing. Mirror.

"No way...it can't...I...how...?" my lips trembled as the shock from my new voice kept me from finishing my sentences. A look down did all but assure me of the circumstances. Draped over my nimble body was the deep red night gown.

"Hell no..."

Not now. I don't care what the hell it was or how badly I needed to go, I'll piss myself for all I care! There is no way I was dealing with something like this so early in the morning. It was a dream that's all. A nightmare. I was hallucinating from sleep deprivation. Yeah. All I need was to crawl back in bed and get just one more hour of sleep. I slid under the covers and hid under my pillow.

There is no way something like this could happen. Not even Haruhi was capable of pulling something like this off right? She has the decency to at least let the day start before raining hell on it. Not even Haruhi was this cruel! To take me and make me...a girl... I was so shocked and discombobulated from what I had just witnessed I'm surprised my mind shut down long enough for sleep.

"Kyonko! It's time to get UP!" a voice shouted as it's owner pulled the covers off the bed, taking me down with them. Wait. "ko"?

I leapt from the floor and turned to face the culprit. I'd like to say it was my sweet little sister sitting on the floor and grinning at her work. And it was. Sort of.

"Morning!" the little boy smiled.

It wasn't a dream. I wished that it was but no matter what I desired, my nightmare was in fact reality! And the final nail in coffin was seeing my little sister...er uh..brother perform the normal "Wake up Kyon!" routine. She...or he grabbed Shamisen from the floor and laughed his way out my bedroom. "Mom says to get ready for school!"

School? How could I even think of school at a time like this. I wake up one morning to find my gender rewritten as female and everyone expects me to just carry on my merry way? Screw that! The last thing I needed was walking into the SOS Brigade club room and Haruhi seeing me like this. What would she do? Would she make me dress in the silly maid outfits she always forces on to Ms. Asahina? Or would she figure out something worse to torture me with?

I didn't have choice though. If I wanted to know what the hell was going on I'd have to confront Koizumi and the others. Where they switched too? I didn't even want to imagine what Ms. Asahina might look like! And Koizumi and that stupid smirk of his would have a freaking party at my expense I just know it!

Upon further inspection of my room, I discovered various things had been altered. My school uniform was now that of a girls, along with all my other clothes. A lot of personal belongings had been feminized as well. It was as if there had been a girl living in this room all along.

Getting the uniform on was a hassle. Being that I was a guy just hours earlier, I had no idea how to do things like put on a bra, a skirt, stockings...the list continues. The bathroom had various cosmetic items that I was also clueless on how to operate. So I just brushed the the hell out of the tangled up mess that was my hair and tied it back into a ponytail to get it out of the way. Woah. I may have been engulfed in embarrassment and anger, but I sure looked pretty good in a ponytail. I may be a bit of a ponytail man, but I never thought I'd say this about myself... I actually look pretty...cute.

I opened the door and the most fretful walk to school of the pitiful life had been forced to experience began. If my little sister had been affected by this strange concurrence, I'm sure others must have as well. As much as the thought of Ms. Asahina becoming a man grossed me out, I was even more disgusted to imagine what Taniguchi and Kunikida might look like. That pervert Taniguchi would be hard not to laugh at once I saw him. And on top of that, had Haruhi switched as well? If she was behind all of this, would she envision this crazy dimension with a male version of herself? The thought of a guy Suzumiya made me nervous. I could feel my face begin to burn. Am I blushing? Why the heck am I blushing!? It's just Haruhi. Haruhi is Haruhi no matter if she was a boy or a girl. She is still the same person right? So why did my heart begin to ramp up at the thought of it? Damn these female hormones! Less then 2 hours and I'm already going crazy because of them!

"It appears I wasn't the only one affected now doesn't it?" I heard a slightly flirtatious voice call from behind me. Somehow the sentence angered me upon hearing it. I turned and saw an amazingly beautiful girl. Wavy, light brown hair that barely reached her shoulders; long legs, curvy hips, and...dare I say it, an amazing bust! Upon seeing them I actually felt a little depressed. What the heck is wrong with me!

"They're quite large aren't they? I must say I'm not very accustomed to them yet." She responded. Hey! I didn't say anything!

"Oh I wasn't... I'm not jealous or anything I...uh..," what the hell am I saying?!

"Ha ha ha! I see you're taking to your new character well, Kyon."

Huh?

"Who are you?" I asked. Her smirk turned flipped to frown.

"I'm disappointed Kyon. We've been friends for more then a year now. At least I consider us as such."

Wait a minute. A speech pattern that annoys the hell out of, an uncanny ability to make anyone feel awkward, and a habit of avoid direct answers. It couldn't be...

"K-Koizumi?"

"You got it. Congratulations."


	3. Chapter 3-- I Hate Wednesdays (Part 2)

It seems as though I was right. This phenomena wasn't limited to just my sister and I. The girl with the cocky smile, perfect posture, and the powers of psychic perception in front of me was proof of that. I said it before, but the female Koizumi was beautiful. Everything about him...uh...her was perfect. Her waist. Her hair. Her bust. Everything made me feel down about myself.

Actually, I hadn't given myself the time to inspect my own new body. I had been too absorbed in the trauma of waking up to discover my gender had been reversed to even think about it. I took a quick peek down my shirt and a wave of disappointment rushed over me. I was nearly flat. Not quite flat chested, but I was definitely A-cup. Wait. Am I jealous? Get a grip of yourself Kyon! You're a guy!

"Don't think too lightly of yourself. You make quite the cute girl yourself Kyon. Or should I say, Kyonko." Koizumi girlishly giggled. I freaking knew you would say something like that!

"I-It's not like I'm jealous or anything?" What the hell am I saying!

Koizumi laughed, covering her mouth to hide her smile. Damn you Koizumi! Why are you so well suited to playing the female role anyway?

Her expression changed from a preppy smile to a total serious and stern look suddenly. She wouldn't have come to meet me all the over here just compliment me on my new figure. She had something very important she wanted to discus.

"Would you mind walking with me Kyon? There are things we need to talk about." I guess I didn't have much of a choice. If I wanted to know what the hell was going on then I would have to have Koizumi explain things to me.

We began are long walk uphill. It was earlier than I would usually be walking, so there weren't many people around to overhear our conversation. Not that anyone would understand what we were talking about anyway.

"All those under the age of 21 that are within the immediate 100 mile radius from North High seem to have experienced the same thing we have. However, those unaware of Ms. Suzumiya's ability to manipulate data don't seem to be aware of the changes. Meaning they are unable to gain access to the memories of the 'old' world." That would explain why my family wasn't fazed by the sight of me in a girls body. And why my parents hadn't been affected.

"So how did this happen?" I didn't really care about any of the mumbo jumbo she described as to what actually occurred. I woke up a girl and that is all that really mattered. I wanted to know what caused it and how set everything straight.

"I have a few theories." She stopped and looked at me, like she was waiting for me ask her something. If I asked her what the theories were, I'm sure she would ramble on and on about stuff I didn't understand. But there was no short way to the point. I would have to suffer through it.

I sighed. "Ugh. Fine, what are they?"

"I'm quite glad you asked." Oh quit the stupid gesture and explain already! "There are few that my fellow organization members are conducting research on. But I will divulge the two most promising ones. One idea is that Ms. Suzumiya unconsciously created a universe parallel to our own. On such a universe, the properties would be nearly identical to our own universe's, with the exception of a large population of the created universe's people would have had reversed gender roles. The growth of this universe do to its artificial construction grew unstable and began to link properties with our universe in order to balance itself. This resulted in the collision of our universe and the created one. If that was the case, then the two worlds have not completely fused and is a growing pandemic. The second is that Ms. Suzumiya desired for this new reality, and therefore altered our world to match her wants. This caused all those whom she comes into direct as well as indirect contact with to be reversed accordingly as to not have anyone who might notice something. But then she constructed a safety. Us. We were granted our memories from our lives before this happened. So somewhere deep inside her she still desires to return to the old world."

When you let him go, Koizumi could probably go on for days carrying on a one-sided conversation about his Haruhi ideologies. All I really heard and understood was two worlds colliding, Haruhi creating a new reality, and we have to fix it all. Great. Just the situation I wanted to be in.

"So what's wrong those theories?" I had to ask. With Koizumi, there is also another side to every story he tells.

"Well for starters, the first theory doesn't explain why only those under the age of 21 were affected, and not all age groups. It also fails to show us a projected speed at which the fusion of our universe and this one is expanding."

"And the second?"

"That one cannot explain the pattern of people who have been affected be her outburst. At this point, the affected people seem to be chosen at random for those outside the immediate data recreation area. It also can't tell us if this new reality will spread or not."

Of course, Haruhi has made things confusing again. It's never ever straight and to the point. There are always a gazillion different possibilities to every little thing, and I always end up becoming the clean up guy for her messes.

I slid into my usual seat. Last row, second from the back, and was amazed at how tired I was. It was still fifteen minutes before classes started and the new Haruhi hadn't appeared yet. What would she look like? What would she act like? Koizumi didn't say it, but I could assume she was once again unaware of everything that was going on around her. Ironic. How a girl who wants the world to revolve around her doesn't notice how it always is. As a matter of fact, Haruhi, the world is revolving around you so fast that its slamming into other worlds, that you coincidentally created to revolve around you!

But if you knew any of that, no one could predict what would happen. As I drifted off to sleep, I let the new female mind of mine dawdle into impressions of what it envisioned a male Haruhi to look like, and i felt a strange feeling wash over me.

...And then HE poked my face...


	4. Chapter 4-- I Hate Wednesdays (Part 3)

"Kyonko..." a boys voice repeated over and over again as its owner's finger pressed and twisted my cheek the way an electric drill would a screw. It's kind of nostalgic that Haruhi or whatever she called herself in this world was just as annoying and relentless she was in the original. On second thought. No.

I moaned, brushed the boy's hand of my face and turned away. I just want wanted to sleep. Was that too much to ask? Even after all that had been thrown in my face of the last few hours, couldn't the universe show some sympathy and let me rest?

Nope.

The boy sighed and moved behind me. If this was supposed to be a mirror of the old world, it was safe to assume that the male Haruhi sat behind me. So, I figured that the boy had given up and moved to his seat. But I had forgotten something. Something very important. Rule number one when dealing with Haruhi Suzumiya: Never assume Haruhi Suzumiya is giving up! Ever!

With a firm grip on my ponytail, the boy thrust his arm upward, lifting straight out of my chair and dangling my short and nimble body in the air. It hurt. A lot. I felt like my hair was going to be pried from my scalp.

I shrieked. Plain in simple. A sound so high pitched I'm surprised the glass windows in my once peaceful classroom didn't shatter.

The boy dropped me to the floor, and as I sobbed and rubbed the top of my head that was now screaming with pain, he moved his face inches from mine and began to shout in the stereotypical (if her this given mannerism could be considered that) Haruhi rant about SOS Brigade member etiquette.

"What do you think you're doing so early in the morning Kyonko? An SOS Brigade member must always be awake this early in the morning to watch for suspicious activity!" Any doubt that I might have had had been thrown out the window. This boy was definitely Haruhi. He even had a yellow hair band in his hair to seal the deal. His sharp eyes and esteemed grin peered through me, belittling my mead pain and annoyance at having been awoken in such an abrupt manner. His medium length, choppy hair was brown like Haruhi's, his demeanor was all but identical to hers, and to top it all off, the "Brigade Leader" arm band could be seen around the sleeve the North High male student uniform. "Explain yourself!"

I couldn't think of anything to say. The throbbing pain in my head wouldn't let me focus. But staying quiet would only make the situation worse for myself, so without a second thought, I attempted to work my way out of the situation.

"I didn't get much sleep last night, so I was just trying to-"

"I don't have time for your excuses!" he interrupted. Then why the hell did you ask? Not that it mattered anyway. To tell the truth, last night was one of the best nights of sleep I had gotten in a long time. Until, that is, I needed a glass of water. Maybe if I hadn't gotten up, this never would have happened. No. This is Haruhi we're talking about here. She gets what she wants no matter what other people are put through to get it. And usually, the person abused at her expense is none other than me.

He continued to stare at me, his face nearly touching mine. I could smell his breathe. It was good. The mint from whatever toothpaste he had used that morning hadn't worn away. He began to snicker. Why? Why was he laughing? Wait. My face feels hot. Am I blushing? Why the hell am I blushing! We...We're both guys! No but she is Haruhi. But she is a dude right now! But I'm like this... But I'm still a guy! What the hell is wrong with me!

He slowly began to back away, and as he did I noticed how much taller he was then me. Though I guess since I am significantly shorter then I was when I was a guy it would be a little more than obvious that male Haruhi would be taller than me as well. My face got hotter as he toward over me and all I could do stare hopelessly up at him. Damn it hormones! I will be blaming a lot more of my problems on you from now on! I felt like I would explode. And then, as if he had heard my thought, he reached out to help me up. I hesitated but then got over the mistrust and grabbed his hand for him to help me up. He touched me. I was touching him. He was helping me. When does Haruhi ever help anyone? This seemingly innocent act of kindness is the straw that broke the camel's back. My face turned so red you could have seen it shining like a traffic light from the school courtyard. I felt dizzy, and hot, and my body, or more so, my mind, couldn't take it anymore. My knees buckled, and I fell right back down to the floor. I don't know if it was simply all of that, or the force of my face hitting the tile floor, but I was out like a light. The last thing I remember feeling was a little trickle of something wet dripping out of my nose. What is it? Blood?

When I came to, I was staring up at the ceiling. Only, the ceiling was moving. After further inspection I realized it wasn't the ceiling that was moving, rather, it was me.

I looked around, and after the haze wore away from my eyes, I caught a glimpse of a yellow headband.

"So you're awake now?" he asked as he sighed from what seemed like relief.

I freaked out once more and, as would seem to be my routine for the day thus far, fell to the floor again.

"W-what do you think you're doing!?" I demanded to know.

"I was carrying you to the nurse. I was seriously worried. Why didn't you say you were that tired?" I somehow recall that I did. Even though it was a lie.

"Well I'm ok now so you don't need to carry me!" I yelled. Why was I angry again?

"Are you sure? You're nose is still bleeding."

I wiped my hand across the bottom of my nose. Sure enough, I was still bleeding.

"Sh-shut up! I'm totally fine!" Why am I stuttering so much? It's just Haruhi right?

"Hm. Really? And I was really looking forward to having some fun while the nurse wasn't looking." My face beamed bright red. I knew she, or, I guess he would spin things this way just to make me all flustered. With nothing to say in response, I discovered a new feminine instinct that had been given to me through this whole eccentric debacle. My hand reached out and slapped the male Haruhi right on the side of the face. It didn't faze him though. He was too proud of having made me uncomfortable.

As the school day went on, I couldn't focus on any of the teachers' lectures. I couldn't stop coming back to the feeling I had immediately before I fainted that morning. Why was I so embarrassed just to have Haruhi so close to me? Why did something like touching his hand make me faint? And, perhaps most importantly, why did I like all of it?! I'm still a guy after all. No matter what she does to change reality, I still am and always have a boy. And Haruhi has been and always will be Haruhi, even if she changes her appearance. So why did I fell like this. I could only hope that Haruhi would be late to the SOS Brigade club room so Nagato could explain things to me. Oh crap! I had almost forgotten! Nagato! And Ms. Asahina! What about the two of them? I could only assume that they had changed as well, considering everyone in the entire school had. But then that would mean Nagato and Ms. Asahina would be… guys!

Haruhi I could handle, because frankly, a lot of her aggressive tendencies can easily be translated to a man. But Nagato? Well her emotionless expressions where seeming to get better lately. She hadn't smiled or anything yet, but since the incident in December, she had begun to talk more. What would this do to that progress?

And Ms. Asahina gets enough torture on a daily basis as it is. I didn't even want to imagine what a male Haruhi would put a male Ms. Asahina through! And what about her physique? Would her bust size be translated into…? UGH! Thinking about it made me want to hurl!

I needed to stop worrying. The best I could do was to wait and pray to God that male Haruhi had something to attend to before going to club. Oh please! Give me something to look forward to today! Just this one thing! Nagato would know what to do. And after club we could sort this mess out just like we did with all the other of Haruhi's calamities. Right?


	5. Chapter 5-- Is Is That You?

Chapter 5. "Is… Is That You?"

It seems lady luck has smiled upon me for once.

"There is something I got to do!" the new Haruhi exclaimed before blasting out of the classroom after the final bell sounded. I didn't know what it was he had to do. Nor did I care. I would have time to figure out whatever the hell is going on in the meantime. Or I would at least have the opportunity to have Nagato explain things. That was all that mattered. And I was sure that I would find out what Haruhi left the class ever so expeditiously for eventually. Whatever it was, judging by his enthusiasm I could infer that I would end up suffering for it.

I began my routine of marching down to the SOS BRIGADE clubroom. Though this time, the stroll was different for obvious reasons. Everything seemed different. The buildings layout wasn't changed or anything. But I was used to walking past the different people that occupied the hall every day. The clubs that occupied the rooms stayed the same for the most part, except for a few of them. But, obviously, the members that occupied them where… different. Or I guess I should say they were the same people. Because they were. They just looked different. Completely different. Like Haruhi, Taniguchi, and Kunikida however, none of them seem to notice and continued to act as though it had always been this way.

I was tempted to just grab someone and attempt to convince them that this wasn't the way things had always been. Maybe I could unlock some hidden key to the old world like the last time something like this happened? No. That's stupid. This isn't some RPG where I can fulfill quests and beat challenges to win items or something like that. I would just come across as the student who finally cracked under Haruhi's constant pressures.

That reminds me.

What was Haruhi's name? In this new world I mean.

Certainly it wasn't Haruhi. I'm sure it had to be something different to match the new male persona. I mean even my nickname changed, so why wouldn't Haruhi or any other member of the SOS BRIGADE's names change? It's not like I could just walk up to him and go "Hey, I forgot. What's your name again?"

No, definitely not. That would bring nothing more to me then the infamous "Death Penalty". I'm sure of it.

Nagato would be able to help me there. If I needed any information that wasn't already perplexingly described to me by Koizumi in his infinite and annoying wisdom, I'm sure she would be happy to offer it to me. This brings me back to another topic. Nagato and Ms. Asahina.

To be honest, I really didn't want to imagine it. The thought of either Nagato or Ms. Asahina as a man made me want to curl up under a rock and die. The thought was gross or anything, but it was disturbing to say the least. But my curiosity had me in a choke hold and left me with no other option but to picture it. I was surprised to find my mind drawing a huge blank. I was so used to Nagato and Ms. Asahina the way they always are, I couldn't imagine them looking any different. It didn't matter anyway. I would see them soon enough. But the thought of what the new Ms. Asahina had to go through rocked me to the core along with giving me the unexplainable urge to punch Haruhi in the face. Would she be forced to wear maid outfits like always? But now that would be considered cross-dressing…

I wouldn't put it past Haruhi to do that. Maybe she forced Ms. Asahina to be the club's butler?

…

Now that I wouldn't mind seeing.

Then the most terrifying, gut wrenching, blood curdling thought came to mind. What if I was forced to be the one who cosplayed in class? AHHHH! Hell no! There was no way I would let something like that happen to me! Not now! Not ever! The idea made me want to scream! That was it! I had to get to the club room now just stop myself from going insane dreaming up all this crazy scenarios. I bolted up the final flight of stairs and stopped in front of the clubroom door. This was the moment of truth. I took a deep inhale, and twisted the door handle. Ever so slowly, I pushed the door open as to reveal the room's contents. In the back of the room, by the window, sitting in a fold up chair reading a book of whose title I will never be able to pronounce, as a teenage boy with gray hair, glasses, and an expressionless face.

"N-Nagato?" I stuttered, "Is… Is that you?"

The boy closed his book and turned his gaze in my direction.

"Yes." his voice was surprisingly deep.

I let out a huge sigh of relief.

"You wouldn't happen to know what's going, would you?"

"Yes." came another basic reply. There was a long, awkward pause of silence. I had forgotten in all of the craziness going on that with Nagato you have to be as direct as humanly possible with your questions.

"Could you explain to me what happened?"

"…There may be some flaws in the transmission of data." same story as always.

"I'll manage somehow."

Nagato pushed the rims of his glasses up against his nose and stood. He pulled a chair out from the table and motioned for me to sit. Obviously this "transmission of data" would take awhile, so I accepted his offer and sat as I was directed. He sat back down where he had been seated before and began to explain everything

"I will start from the beginning." Please do. "This morning at approximately 2:45 am, the Data Integration Thought Entity detected the occurrence of a tear in space time similar in nature to the one that occurred four years ago. This tear was the source of another mass explosion of data that in turn began to affect the properties of this universe, specifically the predisposed gender roles given to this world's occupants. The Data Integration Thought Entity is not able to determine the cause of this incident, nor is it able to predict the pattern at which this anomaly spreads. The Data Integration Thought Entity is in a state of uttermost distress. It believes that if this anomaly continues to spread this world will eventually be destroyed and replaced by the new one beginning to form. If this happens, all hopes of returning to original forms will be lost, and psychological modifications will be necessary to ensure the new Suzumiya does not become suspicious of the situation. Currently, we are unable to analyze the origin of this tear. Whether Haruhi Suzumiya is the source of this rendering of space time is unknown. A solution for this dilemma is also yet to be discovered, nor has a reason to explain these phenomena made itself evident. The only clues that have been evident to the Data Integration Thought Entity and myself are our current psychological processes. Unlike most of everyone else affected by this occurrence, those aware of Haruhi Suzumiya's abilities seem to have memories from their original state of existence intact. However, it is believed that as time progresses, the number of those with the knowledge of the past universe will begin to diminish as their old memories are reprogrammed to match this new world. This process will begin with those farthest from the situation with Haruhi Suzumiya, but still have background information on the matter. Also, though the range of this phenomenon seems to be allocated for those under the age of 21, the range of the age of affected human beings is expected to increase as time passes. Our only course of action is to continue research on the matter and hope that through your endeavor with Haruhi Suzumiya's current form, a solution is made evident." With that, Nagato pushed his glasses up once more, signaling the end of the data transmission. Oh, Nagato. I wish I had your ability to grasp alien concepts and understand explanations supernatural occurrence, because that ability would make my role in these ridiculous catastrophes so much easier. For those of you who read this, I apologize for you not being able to witness the growing expression of bewilderment. I'm sure it was quite the spectacle.

From what I could understand, because of a whole bunch of crazy space stuff, Haruhi, memory reprogramming, Haruhi, no solutions, growing numbers of effected peoples, unknown origins, and Haruhi, I was forced to once again uncover some secret hidden deep within the recesses of the psyche of Haruhi Suzumiya in order to prevent the destruction of the universe as I know it. Just wonderful. Thank you Haruhi. I truly appreciate all that you're doing. I couldn't be happier. I wonder why the hell you _chose _me for all these stupid tasks. If anyone is sick and twisted enough to fantasize about these kinds of things and dream about becoming a girl and being told the fate of the universe rests on your newly given, nimble shoulders, please for the love of God switch places with me! I'm sure you would love it. 'Cuz I sure as hell don't.

There was a long period of silence as I tried to absorb Nagato's lecture. That is a lot to have spit at you that fast. I can recall the feelings I had when Nagato, Ms. Asahina, and Koizumi first told me about their roles in the eccentricities constantly and ever so unknowingly revolving around the egotistical Haruhi Suzumiya. Surprisingly though, I was able to let the information sink in after only fifteen minutes. That must be like some sort of new record for me. I guess there was nothing I could right away. So I would have to learn how to associate with the people of this new world as to try and act _normal_. If there was such a thing.

"So…" I tried to break the ice, "How should I address everyone now?"

Nagato kept silent for a moment, staring at his book. Then he spoke.

"Yuuki Nagato is my designation in this universe. The others are referred to as Itsuko Koizumi, Mitsuru Asahina, and Haruki Suzumiya."

That seemed simple enough. The new names only changed a character or two, and they were real easy to remember. As I memorized the new names of the SOS BRIGADE, the door creaked open. In walked a short, orange haired boy with an expression that made him look like he was about to fall over. I felt my pulse begin to race as the childlike boy stumbled over himself and into the clubroom. He lifted his head and I noticed tears begin to well up in his eyes. I knew that face, reaction, and mannerism. It was the highlight of every day of my school life. It was the only reason why I came to the clubroom every day.

"Ms. Asahina?"

"K-K-Kyon!" The tears poured down Ms. Asahina's face as she fell into my lap. It's ok Ms. Asahina. I'm here now. It's all going to be alright.


	6. Chapter 6-- Maids and Butlers

Ms. Asahina sat with _his_ head buried in my lap, sobbing for a good five minutes. All I could do to cheer her up was rub her head and tell her everything would be all right. Even thought I wasn't totally convinced of that myself. I think a little part of me was actually glad to see Ms. Asahina like this. Not that I was heartless and wanted to see her tears. I would never wish that on the glorious Ms. Asahina. But even as a boy, she had that feminine, "I might cry at any moment", cute appeal about _him_. Besides, aside from the short hair cut, Ms. Asahina remained virtually unchanged.

I can only imagine how she reacted when she woke up to the altered reality. Chances are she went to the bathroom and looked down and well… you can guess as to how she acted. More than likely, the scenario I pictured was pretty accurate. Arms flailing, voice shrieking, eyes globing with tears. If you thought I reacted bad to this crazy stuff, picture Ms. Asahina. I sort of feel like punching whoever is responsible for this whole mess. If not for my own anger, but for the strife it must be causing Ms. Asahina.

Eventually, Ms. Asahina was able to wipe away the tears and stand up. The short and slender bodied boy wasn't any taller then I was. He still had a babyish face and was the spitting image of Ms. Asahina with a haircut. The terrified expression was now gone from his face and was replaced by a look of utmost determination.

"Kyon." She began. Maybe she found a break in the case? "We have all changed genders!"

SMACK!

My hand hit my forehead so hard I'm sure you could probably hear it echo down the hallway. I'm sorry Ms. Asahina, your sweet, but I think that much is somewhat… No, totally obvious.

"Are you feeling ok Ms. Asahina? Are you coping well? I mean, with all of this?"

"Y-Yeah. I guess I am. I think." She stuttered. "Even though this mourning… I woke up and… It was all…" I'm so sorry Ms. Asahina. That must have been a terrible way to wake up. I mean, if all I had known was being a girl and one morning I woke to a little, well, morning excitement I should say, I would be breaking down in tears too. "But," she sniffled, wiping the blobbing tears from her eyes, "You actually look really cute."

YES! MS. ASAHINA CALLED ME CUTE! I don't care if I'm a girl right now! I don't care about whatever crazy hormones where circulating through my blood stream, I wasn't about to let any of that take this away from me! I can now die without regrets.

I sat down after taking a heroic pose to try to get serious again.

"Is there anything else I should about this?"

"Ah! Yes!" Ms. Asahina began, "Just like the event three years ago, for some reason we cannot travel to any point in time past 2:45 a.m. This 'classified information' seems to have reached the future as well. But we can't tell if the extent of the 'classified information' in that time plane is the final outcome of this 'classified information'. Even though the 'classified information' on this time plane and my time plane are the same, they seem to be 'classified information' at the same rate. My superiors believe that the 'classified information' my growing at the same rate of a 'classified information and is happening on all time planes ate once!"

Oh Ms. Asahina. You're amazing, but I can't understand a word of what you're saying. Basically 'classified information' is classified informationing', right? That is all I need to know.

"I see…" I really didn't. But that explanation on Ms. Asahina's part would have to suffice. Because at that exact moment, Itsuko Koizumi and the life of the party himself, Haruki Suzumiya barged in the clubroom door. No. That is not quite right. It was more like Haruki did one of those "Dynamic Entry" things; kicking the door open and then barrel rolling into the room nearly toppling Ms. Asahina over; while Koizumi just observed from the doorway with that stupid smirk on her face. It pissed me off. That smile combined with the "perfect girl" complexion just made we want to…

"I have an announcement!" Haruki hollered as he leapt from the ground, "As usual, you can hold any complaints you might have for after the activity and your gracious brigade leader will take note that you are complaining." Gracious my ass. And how does that even seem fair? You aren't even taking the complaints into consideration and just acknowledging that we're complaining. Haruki, I hope you never work customer service. Not because it doesn't suit you – though it doesn't – but because it would be hell on your customers.

"And just what is this activity?" I asked ever so eager to discover what dastardly plot Haruki had rolled up his sleeve. He grinned. Though, this grin seemed geared towards making me feel uncomfortable over everything else. That couldn't be a good sign. Then again, when is Haruhi saying she has a plan ever a good thing?

"The SOS BRIGADE will be working at a local maid café to relieve some staff members who have all mysteriously taken a leave of absence all at the same time!"

There was an eerie silence for a few seconds before Haruki received the response he had been waiting for.

"WHAT!" Ms. Asahina and I screamed in unison.

"No way, no way, no way! There is no way in hell you can get me to sign up for this!"

"C'mon Kyonko don't be such a spoiled sport! This is just the kind of opportunity the SOS BRIGADE has been waiting for!" he deviously shot back.

"Just what part of 'seeking out supernatural phenomena' is part of working at a maid café?!" I demanded an answer. There was no way Haruki was convincing me to do this without a good reason. And even then I still wouldn't! No matter what hell was released on this universe!

"Don't you get it!? 5 employees who all work the same shift at the same restaurant all took an unexplained extended vacation at the same time! It is totally suspicious! On top of that, there are exactly 5 spots left vacant. Exactly the same amount of SOS BRIGADE members! We can't pass up the opportunity to investigate! It's practically begging us to!"

"There is a perfectly logical explanation for that! They could all just be friends who went on a trip or something. Besides, there is no way you could get me to wear a maid outfit… I'd never be able to be bride if that happened!" What… was I saying? I could feel my face turn bright again. What has become of me? That line came out so naturally… I even thought it before deciding to say it? Is this the way Haruhi pictured a female me? Koizumi snickered a bit when I said that line. Damn you Koizumi. I bet you have something to with this whole maid thing, I just know it.

"Besides," Haruki totally disregarded my thought, "I realized that I have been missing out on cosplaying opportunities this whole time! I put too much attention on Mitsuru, and ignored two other figures to utilize!"

"Who would that be…?" I didn't like were this was going. I squeamishly reached for a cup of tea Ms. Asahina had brewed while Haruki went on babbling and took a sip, thinking I would need it to cope with Haruki's response.

"Nagato and Koizumi, of course!" tea launched from my mouth. I was not expecting that answer. I figured Haruki would take another jab at me or something. But I guess I shouldn't have expected Haruki to be obvious with his pun. "Nagato is the tall, skinny, handsome, and quite butler who could easily make any girl week at the knees, while Koizumi is the busty, flirty maid that any guy would dream of having at their service! This is the perfect opportunity to exploit those attributes!" I don't know why, but I felt a little jealous of the others, even though it seemed that I might have been off the hook for this round.

"Are you okay with this Koizumi?" hoping to gain votes for my side of the argument.

"Thought it does seem a little embarrassing, an associate of mine happens to be a butler, and I suppose I could learn all I can from him." was her reply. So Ms. Mori has been affected by all of this too, huh?

"And you Nagato?"

"It is fine." whoa, immediate response.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Haruki is planning on dressing you up in butler's uniform and making you go out in public and you're ok with it?"

"I am." well, my case had been lost, and it seemed I would have no choice but to go along with it.

"So it's settled! On Saturday at 8:30 a.m., we will meet at our usual place! If you're late Kyonko, as always you will have to buy the whole brigade tea at the café once we get there!" What's with the "as always" part? Am I forever deemed to be the recipient of your death penalty? You think I can't ever arrive on time? To be fair, if by some miraculous chance Kyonko isn't the last one to arrive," he snapped his fingers. The door flung open to reveal a boy with teal-green hair and a somewhat feline appearance holding a large plastic bag. The front of the bag was blacked out so that we couldn't see its contents, and it was hanging on a coat hanger, like it was fresh from the dry cleaners. Wait, was that Tsuruya-sempai? "Tsuruya and I have prepared a special maid's outfit which you will have to wear all day on Saturday! That goes for you as well, Kyonko!"

That's it! From now on I will not be late to single one of the SOS BRIGADE field missions or whatever these things are ever again!

"There is no way I'm doing this!" I made a last ditch effort to protest.

"Well then…" Haruki lowered his face until our noses touched. His face was totally serious, like whatever he was about to say would change the world, since it probably would, "What if I told you I loved you?"

"Wha… huh?" my mind was racing a million miles ahead of mouth. I was flustered to say the least. My face was boiling hot and my heart was beating so fast I thought it would leave leap out of my chest. What if he told me he loved me? If he… loved me. Loved… me… I couldn't think. My mind was overwhelmed with thoughts I have never experienced before. I pictured myself in wedding gown, walking down the aisle with a small smile on face as Haruki smiled back at me from the alter wearing a dark black tuxedo. "I do." I heard myself say. Why was I thinking that? Kyon! Get yourself together! Remember who you are! This isn't real. My hand shook, but finally I managed to gain control over it and slap Haruki across the face for the second time that day.

"I'll do it! J-just don't… I'll just do it ok!" I shouted, angrily glaring at the floor. I'm sorry floor, I'm sure you didn't deserve that scary look.

Haruki broke into triumphant laughter and I could hear Koizumi giggling behind him… Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! I conceded so stop laughing at me already! I looked to see Ms. Asahina staring at me with wide eyes and an awed expression, totally captivate by "How adorable I looked" as she would later tell me.

And that was that. My first day as girl. Crazy, and emotional through and through. I was a hormonal train wreck and thought about things that had never once crossed my mind before. It wasn't totally terrible though. I mean, Ms. Asahina called cute. And the rest of the week went by surprisingly smoothly as well. Haruki never showed up in the clubroom, and aside from the struggle to adjust to the way I had to use the restroom, the weird looks from guys on the way home, and having to shake off the strange expressions Koizumi kept giving me in the clubroom, I felt rather comfortable.

Don't get any funny ideas. I didn't do anything weird to it. That would have way to weird. But after the first day blew over, I felt like I was growing used to my new mannerisms. Haruki didn't come to the clubroom for the rest of the week either, definitely making it easier to adapt to things.

When Saturday finally came around, for some reason I was extra careful in picking out my wardrobe. But After I had finished getting myself ready, I left the house at 5:30, knowing that Haruki would be the first to try and make sure I was the last to arrive at the meeting place. Sure enough, there wasn't anybody around when I arrived. Challenge complete! Now all I had to do was sit and wait to see Haruki's expression when he saw I was the first one here.


	7. Chapter 7-- A Four Player Game

After waking up one morning to find myself turned into a girl, one would think that I would adapt to the new circumstances and learn from my mistakes. Normally, I would want to be on guard so early in the morning, judging from the fact that so far, mornings hadn't been nice to me in the surprise department. But I let my guard down yet again. I mean, what else could possibly go wrong? I woke up as a woman, found out the universe was on the brink of destroying itself, and nearly averted being forced into whatever outfit Haruki had hand-picked to humiliate me. I'd say things were as bad as they could get aside from my one small victory, right? I mean, things couldn't possibly get more complicated. Wrong. As a matter of fact, I was dead wrong. Just to reiterate something I have said before, don't ever let your guard down around Haruhi or Haruki Suzumiya alike.

"Hiya Kyon!" a tall, green haired figure hollered as he slapped me in the back, nearly knocking me to the ground. He scared me half to death and made me scream like a little girl. If anyone was near bye I'm sure they would have thought I was being abducted or something.

"Tsu- Tsu- Tsuruya-sempai!?" I croaked, still hyperventilating from the panic attack he had caused me.

"You got it!" Tsuruya smiled widely but then quickly changed his expression to frown, "Aw. It looks like I won't get to see you in that special outfit that Haruki had me pick out for you. That's a shame." I knew Haruki was trying to embarrass me. But this time I had grabbed the upper hand and finally made some headway into my campaign against Haruki's antics.

"I wasn't about to just sit back and let Haruki win. I may have to do this whole maid thing, but there is no way he can get me to do it in some silly outfit. Where is that outfit anyway? I was expecting you to have it with you or something."

"Haruki took it with him. He wanted to prepare it for you personally." What was it already decided that I was going to be the last one to arrive before hand? "But I guess I'll still get to see my sweet darling Mikuru in it! Even if he's a boy!"

Poor Ms. Asahina. I had forgotten that usually she ends up being forced to wear clothing that she doesn't want to. I should have had her conspire with me. I'm sure that wearing girl's clothing while in a guy's body is going to be demoralizing.

It was then, while I was sympathizing for Ms. Asahina, that I noticed something was off. It had been off since the beginning of the conversation, I just hadn't noticed until Tsuruya made that remark about Ms. Asahina.

"Wait… Tsuruya-sempai, did you just say 'Mikuru'?" I questioned, somewhat out of disbelief. I was just hearing things. Maybe I was so used to things being that way that my ears just heard what they wanted to. What's that called again? Selective hearing? Yeah that had to be it.

"Of course. That is _her_ name isn't it? Or is it Mitsuru now…?"

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I mean, there was no way that Tsuruya knew who we were. Or more accurately, who Haruki was.

"Do you mean you... you know about all that's happened over the past few days?"

"Sure I do. How could you expect me to miss it? I was sure surprised to see myself in the mirror on Wednesday. I didn't think it was possible for anyone to tap into my abilities like that. But, this is Haruki we're talking about. So I guess I shouldn't have been all that surprised."

…What?

"Who… Who are you?" I stuttered. My mind had been scrambled into the eggs I'm sure my family was eating for breakfast without me. Tsuruya was aware that _she_ was now a boy and the only way that was possible was if she was aware of Haruhi's power. I wasn't about to doubt the information Nagato gave me. She hadn't ever been wrong up to this point, so why think she was mistaken now?

"Well I suppose now is good time to tell you, seeing as we're alone here. But promise you won't tell any of the others nyoron!" Tsuruya smiled widely and out stretched his arm for me to shake it. What did I have to lose? I was confused by what was going on already, and if Tsuruya was some other "supernatural being" of some sort, then that would just mean that we had another ally in figuring out this problem. I probably shouldn't have been so surprised about this situation myself. Tsuruya addressed me by "Kyon" at the beginning of our conversation and I probably should have realized that something was off sooner. But regardless, this situation needed some more explaining. As if I hadn't got enough of that over the past few days.

"Let's see, where do I start? I don't want to confuse little Miss Kyonko, now do I? I know! You remember when we all played baseball don't you?"

"Yeah…"

"Think of it this way. I'm sort of the short stop in this situation. In baseball, there are four players assigned to bases, the catcher at home plate, the first basemen, second basemen and third basemen. If we assigned our selves positions, Nagato would be the first basemen, Koizumi would be second, and my sweet little darling Mikuru would be third. You of course would be catcher, and Haruhi would be the pitcher. Each of you is assigned to your own places on the field. With each base, comes a different set of responsibilities. As catcher, for example, you send signals to the pitcher that allow the pitcher to determine what pitches to throw. Or in your case, you send signals to Haruhi that determine how she reacts to things. As short stop however, your responsibilities change all the time. Depending on which way the ball is hit and how the ball is thrown, the short stop adjusts himself to fit the play and blend in with the rest of the infield. So when the plays like double plays come around, I become some sort of a fourth player. In life, Nagato at first base is an Alien, Koizumi at second base is an Esper, and Mikuru is a Time Traveler. As you might have already guessed, I am the fourth player in Haruhi's search for supernatural beings. A slider."


	8. Chapter 8-- Sliding Around

"The ability to condescend the laws of space and time. A slider can use their power to abridge the gaps between universes and travel among them. I-"

"I know what a slider is." I interrupted Tsuruya's ramble.

"Then what's the issue nyoron?" Tsuruya asked, a little muddled by the stern attitude. Things had just become a lot more troublesome for everybody. And I couldn't see this dilemma becoming any clearer any time soon.

"What do you want with Haruhi? Up until now, everyone has wanted something from her. Nagato and the Data Integration thought thing want to observe her and consider her to be the next step in evolution for everyone here and themselves, Koizumi believes Haruhi is like some sort of God, and Ms. Asahina is looking to solve the mystery behind the time quake that cut her off from her own time. What do you think Haruhi is? And what do you want with her?" I demanded to know. I suppose I was jeering a little more than I needed to.

"Ah!' Tsuruya pounded her fist into her palm as if she had just made some kind of discovery, "It only makes sense that you would want me to clear that up so quickly. Alrighty than! Let me diffuse your confusion by saying this: the only interest I have in Haruhi is that I find her to be entertaining to be around. I really had no interest in her or her abilities until she started high school at North High and formed the SOS Brigade. She seems to have taken a liking to me too!"

"That's it?" there was no way things could be that simple...

"Yup. That's all there is to it!" Tsuruya stood in front of me, his eyes closed, and a big, gratifying smile stretched across his face. All I could do was stare up at him, both feeling and looking stupid. It felt rare having such an opinionated topic like the one that latched itself to Haruhi be explained in such a simple way. There was no time rift, no altercation with the laws of humanity, no giant blue monsters attacking urban cityscapes. Nothing. It was almost peaceful. Almost. "But I am sort of stuck here."

"What do you mean?" I asked. You see? There is always a tantalizing factor in every one of these situations.

"It really isn't that big of deal. At least, I don't mind, and neither does my family. Until the situation involving Haruhi gets solved, we're stuck in this universe. Usually, we would simply be able to breach the boundaries of a universe and then travel to a new one, but it seems that ability of hours has been limited." Tsuruya explained with a sarcastic grin.

"So basically, you're stuck until whatever happened four years ago is reversed, but you don't really care?" I attempted to simplify the explanation.

"Yup! I actually really love this universe of yours. I mean, if I hadn't been trapped here, I never would have met my darling little Mikuru! I just can't fathom life without her!" Tsuruya, sometimes you can be way too spasmodic over the stupidest things.

"But what about having your gender reversed? Doesn't that disturb you even a little?"

"No. Why would it?" What do you mean why would it? Who wouldn't be shocked and a little irate by this whole change of events? "Oh. I understand! You see, sliders aren't bound necessarily to the classifications you freely understand as "boy" and "girl". As a slider, our abilities include the power to change our physical form in order to manipulate a time line where we could exist without disturbing the natural balance of the host world. Basically, we bend reality a little like what happened here Wednesday. I'm somewhat used to being in a form similar to this one, so it doesn't come as a total shock to me. But I do prefer my previous "girl" body. It is a little more comfortable and agile then this male one. But enough about me! What about you? How are you adjusting?" Tsuruya poked. He has the uncanny ability to jump from one topic to the next without giving it much thought.

"I don't know. Unlike you, I'm pretty terrified over all this." I answered.

"What do you have to be terrified over?" He asked.

"I'm thinking in ways I have never thought before. I feel like every time Haruki approaches me I'm about to explode from the combination of excitement and embarrassment, almost like I'm predisposed to get flustered whenever I'm close to him."

"I think I know why. You're in love with him aren't you?" Tsuruya teased.

"What! N-No of course n-not! I mean, I'm a guy so I can't feel that way! Even if I may be in a girl's body right now!" I stuttered.

"But using that logic, wouldn't it be ok, since Haruki is originally a girl as you say?"

"SH-SHUT UP!" I shouted, feeling my cheeks begin to burn. Damn it body, can't you ever let me prove a point?

"HA HA HA! You should see your face right now nyoron! You turned red so quickly it pretty much confirms it!" Tsuruya laughed, pointing and nearly falling over from how hard he was convulsing from his snickering. I was beyond embarrassed, and could only hope to make up excuses for myself.

"It isn't my fault; it's this stupid body's! Ever since I woke up on Wednesday my body has been reacting to things in very strange ways that I can't control!"

"And that's why you're so darn cute! If Haruki doesn't hurry up and make a move, I might have to snatch you up all for myself." Tsuruya grinned slyly and I began to feel anxious. This was starting to get creepy..."Ha ha! Don't take everything so seriously. I was only kidding. I have my Mikuru, so long as you don't take him from me. I've been noticing how you look at her. I'm warning you. If you make a move on my cherubic little sweet heart I'll pound you into dust in three seconds flat!"Tsuruya grabbed his upper arm and began to swing the rest of it around before he brought his clenched fist to stop in front of my face, "Don't think for a second that since you're a girl now I can't protect Mikuru, even if _she_ is Mitsuru, _he _still needs me!"

"Y-yeah... I promise I won't do anything." I muttered.

Tsuruya leaned in to my ear and whispered really softly, "Now tell me you haven't done anything with that new body of yours?"

"What!? Of course not! That would be just too weird! I haven't even had the time to inspect what I look like. When I go in the bath I get so jittery and anxious I just keep my eyes closed the entire time..." I said way too much. Me and this girly mouth of mine need to start working things out or else I'm never going to be able to control what I say.

"Well you really should check yourself out. I mean look at you! You're adorable! With your cumbersome and fragile figure, it's no wonder why Haruki wanted to be all lucrative with your body."

"T-Thanks..." I mumbled.

"Oh did you except my compliment? I'm truly flattered." with that remark I could feel myself blushing as my cheeks slowly began to glow. But this time, I cracked a little smile. As if I was enjoying Tsuruya's flattering. "There you go again, getting all rosy. Don't go falling for me over a compliment. I'm sure Haruki wouldn't be pleased over it." Tsuruya continued to poke fun at my embarrassment, which in turn, only made me more embarrassed.

"Do you have any ideas about fixing this?" I asked, trying to get the subject off of me for a change.

"Fixing what?" a puzzled Tsuruya asked, "C'mon Kyonko. I'm not Koizumi. I can't read what you're thinking. Though I could try if you'd like."

"I mean about turning this whole sex change thing back to normal. Making us normal again, stopping this from becoming permanent. That sort of thing." I clarified.

"I'm not totally convinced this needs fixing. I mean sure, for most everybody, this is terrible, and I am by no means condoning this for whoever started it. I'm sure most of the peoples in your friends' organizations are going insane right now if they weren't already there. But in the long run, couldn't this turn out to be a good thing?" Tsuruya revealed.

"How the hell could this be a good thing?" I challenged.

"Well already this has made it easier for both you and Haruhi to show your feelings. To him, before this incident the both of you were just simple, normal people. And I'm sure that as a boy, Haruki feels the same about himself now. He is unaware of his power, so to him, all of this is the way things always have been. But there was a kill switch implemented in all of this. The fact that you and the rest of your club still have your previous memories is evident of that. But whether or not it should be used is up to you." Tsuruya examined.

"That doesn't do anything to show that we should leave things the way they are." I argued.

"What I'm saying is," Tsuruya continued, "your basing all of your thinking off of your mindset from the start of this erratic situation. It was enough you had to deal with an alien, time traveler and an Esper, but now there are new circumstances that come from absolutely nowhere and you can't understand them, so you're unflinchingly set on making them return to something you understand, without attempting to subjugate the problem at hand."

I spent the whole time starring at the floor, mulling over the dissenting words coming from Tsuruya's voice, trying to wrap my head around them, and quite vividly failing. It just wouldn't click with me that situation was expectable.

"What will you do if this 'problem' can't be fixed?" Tsuruya interrogated.

I gasped. I hadn't considered that scenario at all. I wanted to fix the problem like I had every other. I was getting cocky and had forgotten that there was a chance we were stuck in this for good. Was I prepared to live my life that way? Could I adjust? I didn't know. I couldn't understand. I wasn't sure I wanted to either. Up until this point, being a girl was considered dissolute and wrong in my mind. Then one morning I wake up to find that I had magically transformed into one over night. I had taken a serious blow to my senses. All of them.

As I sat there tearing myself apart from the inside out, my saving grace appeared in the most ironic of ways. Haruki showed up. I hadn't realized that Tsuruya and I had been talking for well over an hour. I sat up and patted the wrinkles off the white sundress I had unconsciously thrown on that morning, and changed mind sets from life changing psychological contemplation, to pure and innocent gloating. And I was going to love every minute of it. Seeing the "Cat waitress" uniform draped over Haruki's shoulder just made me feel even better about my small victory.

When Haruki had noticed me standing in front of him with Tsuruya grinning a little too happily behind me, he began an unbridled rant that kept the self gratification coming.

"What are you doing here?!" He shouted.

"I'm arriving early, just like you told me I needed to in order to avoid wearing that thing." I giggled.

"But how... You were supposed to wear... Who am I supposed to get to wear this now...?" Haruki seemed half aggravated, half disappointed at the fact of not being able to see me in cat ears, a tail, and maid outfit. Good. The only thing I felt I would regret was having to make one of the others suffer for my sake. But as the other members arrived, it seemed things would end up in their usual cosplaying fashion.

"Well well well."Haruki sneered after calming down a bit to deliver his verdict on the last arriving guild member, "It seems like the hand of judgment have landed on you today."

"Wha...Wha...?" the little SOS Brigade mascot scrambled to search for a route out, but nothing could help him now.

"Tsuruya, you come with me to the men's bathroom over there to help me strip him." It sounded like he was planning a rape.

"No problem." And so, the too taller boys dragged the smaller one into the boy's room, where for a good twenty minutes, screams and sounds of an obvious struggle could be heard emanating from restroom.

I'm so sorry Ms. Asahina. I never meant for things to turn out like this...


	9. Chapter 9-- Welcome Home, Master (Part1)

TGOHS CH.9

"N-No! I can't! Stop! I-I don't w-want to! Wha-Wha!"

"C'mon just give in! It will make this a whole lot easier if you just accept it. Besides, you're really feminine anyway, so it's not like anyone will notice!"

"But I can't go out in…! No! Please Wha!"

What a spectacle to behold for all the innocent bystanders passing the restrooms on that early Saturday morning. I felt so sorry for Ms. Asahina. I made her the accidental victim at the cost of my avoidance of that horrid outfit. The screaming and wrestling going on in the bathroom was so loud I'm surprised no one called the cops on them. Being that Ms. Asahina now had the added complication of being a boy mixed into the whole "forced cosplay" thing, _he_ would technically be considered to be cross-dressing. I was sure that _Mitsuru _was experiencing some serious identity crisis.

THWACK!

The door to the men's restroom flung open with the kick of Haruki's leg, nearly ripping it off of its hinges.

"BEHOLD!" Haruki shouted like some royal announcer bringing news of the return of a kingdom's beautiful princess. That wasn't entirely false either, I mean if you took out the royal and princess parts. "As your great and powerful leader it is my honor to present to you the new and improved," Improved? "SOS Brigade mascot!" Loud pops and streamers shot from the bathroom and from the shadows, out crept a petite, maid's dress wearing, 'girl'.

Obviously it was really Mitsuru in the maid costume, but there was no way anyone who didn't know who he was would be able tell that _he_ was a _boy._ That has to be the most ironic thing I have said since this whole thing started. Ms. Asahina, who is now a boy, is being forced to dress like a girl. To put it simply, she is now a he dressing like a she. If that makes any sense.

Mitsuru kept his head down, staring at the floor, not making eye contact with anyone. Then Tsuruya-sempai walked up behind him, and, with an assuring pat on the back, spoke to Mitsuru.

"Go ahead. Say your line." He smiled.

Mitsuru slowly stepped forward, walking until he was in front of me. He then lifted up his face, his eyes blobbed with tears, then forced himself to smile and bowed his head.

"W-welcome home, Master!"

…

…

"M-master…?" I squeaked. I felt a strange sensation from my nose and heard the pitter-patter of drops of something hitting the ground. A quick wipe of the nose would reveal the river of blood spouting from my nostrils. I felt my legs wobble and knew what was going to happen. I didn't care though. I could die without any regrets now. "Mas…ter…" I murmured as my knees gave way and I collapsed to the floor, giggling slightly. _Mitsuru called me master!_

I don't really know how long I was out for. I didn't really care. My mind kept playing Ms. Asahina in that maid dress over and over again and I wanted it to never end. I must have seen the scene over a thousand times on repeat in my head, but each time felt like the first.

"He called me master." I thought blissfully, enjoying the best moment of my life. I would stay a girl for the rest of my life just to have him call me that for until the day I died.

"Kyonko. Kyonko. Wake up Kyonko." I heard the ever so calm and collected, and strangely motherly voice of Koizumi calling me as she shook me awake.

"Mmmmm" I moaned, waving my hand in the air to word her off.

"It's time for our shift to start, Kyonko. You wouldn't want to be late on your first day would you?"

Shift? Oh yeah. I had forgotten all about the café. Oh well. I guess it would have to wait. I was too busy imaging Ms. Asahina to care.

"Five more minutes-" I started to say as I rolled over, only to fall off of whatever it was I was laying on and slam my face onto the floor. "Ow!"

Koizumi just stood were she had been and laughed at me. I seriously wanted to punch her. Not just because I fell, but because she ruined my dreams of Ms. Asahina.

"C'mon," Koizumi said through her laughter, "We shouldn't keep the others waiting."

"Whatever!" I pouted, "Just let me get changed."

"No need. You're already wearing the uniform." Huh?

I looked and nearly screamed from the shock. I was already wearing a short, frilly maid's uniform. The same one as Koizumi. But how? I had been out since my I collapsed at the meeting place. There was no way I changed into anything!

My face flushed red out of both embarrassment and anger, "How did I get in this!?"

"I changed you of course." Koizumi smiled. Koizumi changed me… Koizumi undressed me from the clothes I had been wearing before… Koizumi saw me pretty much naked… Koizumi put clothes back on me… Koizumi saw me pretty much naked…

"WHAAAAAA!" I screamed, turning around and covering my breasts with my arms. I could feel myself start to cry. I couldn't control it. I was embarrassed beyond belief. I wasn't even thinking beyond being upset. "Y-You s-saw m-m-me…"

"Calm down. I didn't see anything. You can trust me." Koizumi winked. Like hell I can trust you! Fighting the shinjin is one thing. Being in a room naked with you is totally different! I wouldn't trust anybody other than my own mother in this type of situation! "Now c'mon!" Koizumi grabbed me by the hand and whisked me out the door of the dressing room. All the protesting I was doing down the hallway to the sitting area proved to be useless, as fighting off being dragged away is somewhat difficult to do in a maid costume. I suddenly understood with the utmost clarity what Ms. Asahina felt like, being forced to do this type of thing day in and day out in the SOS Brigade clubroom.

We approached the end of the hallway and Koizumi spun herself behind me and pushed me into the dining area.

"H-hey! What do you think you're-" My quick outburst was cut short by the sound of metal crashing to the floor. I turned away from Koizumi to see Tsuruya-sempai, Nagato, and Ms. Asahina standing by an old man in a suit. I assumed he was the owner, but what I didn't see was anything that could have made the crashing noise. Then I turned just a little bit more to the left and say, clad in a butlers uniform and signature yellow headband, was Haruki.

His face was beginning to turn a rosy pink around the cheeks and his mouth hung open slightly as he stared at me. He wasn't all that far away from me, so I could feel the warmth rising off his body as he searched for words to say.

"It really suits you." He mumbled just loud enough for me to hear, "It's really cute on you…"

I blushed and really couldn't think of what to say. I, being who I am, was trying to fight the new instincts trying and force my way to do things the way I always have. The way I, Kyon, would always handle Haruhi. But for some reason, I lost the will to do so. I was glad that Haruki had complimented me and I wanted to accept it. So I looked up, closed my eyes, and through the redness of both of our faces, smiled.

"Thank you. You look nice too."

"UH-Y-yeah. Thanks…" Haruki turned toward the ceiling and rubbed the back of his head. Haruki could be surprisingly bashful. It was sort of cute.

None of the customers had shown up yet. It was obviously still too early for there to be much of anyone awake but it seemed the employees that were around were busy getting things ready. Waitresses ran around setting tables and carrying dishes, chefs went about the kitchen setting out supplies and preparing some of their most popular dishes.

"I would like to thank the five of you for coming out here on such short notice today. Master Tsuruya, we are indebted to you and your family once again." The old man said. Master? That explains it. Tsuruya's family must know the owner of the café, which explains how Haruki found out about this whole establishment.

"Oh no," Tsuruya-sempai laughed, "My friends just happened to hear about what happened and wanted to help." To be honest I still didn't understand why we were here in the first place.

"Even so," The man continued, "I owe all of you for stepping in. My employees disappeared a few days ago and no one has heard anything from them or their families about their whereabouts. We were beginning to panic. These past few days have proved to be quite hectic because of the shortage of staff. I didn't want to go to the police since I thought it would scare away customers, and the café has suffered enough."

"Don't worry," Haruki stepped forward, "We will find out what has happened to your lost employees. And we would be glad to fill in for them until they return." It sounded oddly leader like of him to step in and say that. It certainly seemed to lift a huge weight of the man's shoulders. The old man bowed, and then walked back into the kitchen.

The time was 7:55 a.m. The café would open in a few minutes.


	10. Chapter 10- Welcome Home, Master (Part2)

TGOHS Ch.10

"W-welcome home, Master." I winced through gritted teeth at my next customer. On top of being brutally embarrassing and humiliating, being a maid was unexpectedly physically demanding and painful. Having to balance your customer's orders while running from table to table, back to the kitchen, and then around the tables again, smiling all the while, was a harsh task to accomplish. I was afraid that my face would be stuck with a permanent smile!

"That is enough for now. Please take a break for lunch. My employees can handle this until you are all finished." The owner came and instructed just as I was about to reach my limit. Ms. Asahina and Koizumi seemed to be exhausted too. Even Tsuruya-sempai seemed a little tired. If Nagato was tired he was sure doing a great job of hiding it from the rest of us. Does Nagato ever feel physical exhaustion? She has to, right? I mean, she is a humanoid data link inter whatever, but I'm sure she has to get tired sometimes.

Haruki, as expected, was still as boundless and energy filled as ever. I wish some of that hyperactivity would wear off on me sometime. Maybe I'd be able to handle all these crazy situations easier that way.

Ms. Asahina took the liberty to prepare our meals for us that morning. A home cooked meal from Ms. Asahina? Where does the line begin!?

As amazing as the boxed lunches Ms. Asahina made for everyone were, I couldn't help avert my focus to what happened that morning between Tsuruya-sempai and I. A slider? It just didn't seem possible. Even though Tsuruya seemed to know all the details surrounding Haruhi I couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that he was yet another supernatural being hiding their identity among normal people. And by people, I mean person. And by person, I mean me. At this point I was beginning to wonder if I was really the light for all weirdness in the world to come to like flies to a bug zapper.

As easy as it would have been for me to just outright believe everything that Tsuruya-sempai had confessed to me, I needed some visual confirmation. Some cold, hard proof like what I had been shown that ended any doubts I might have had about Nagato, Koizumi, and Ms. Asahina. Yup. That would mean asking Tsuruya-sempai to display to me his "abilities".

So, as lunch started to get close to finishing - and by that I mean we had about 20 minutes left until our next shift - I approached Tsuruya-sempai who was conversing with the owner about something or another.

"Tsuruya-sempai…?"

"Oh ho ho? What are you tugging on my sleeve for? You look like you're about to confess your love for me, nyoron!" Tsuruya laughed.

"Can I talk with you for a moment?" I inquired, trying not to get angry at Tsuruya's tendency to joke about little things like that all the time.

"Hmm?"

As we walked out the back door to the restaurant, I couldn't help but feel a pair of eyes peering jealously through my skull from across the room. It sent chills up my spine, but I brushed it away and ignored it. I would come to regret not acknowledging that sensation, but more on that later.

"Oh so you just wanted to talk more about this morning?" Tsuruya clarified to himself.

"There are just some things I need to confirm before I can understand all of this." To be honest, if I had the time, I would have asked Tsuruya-sempai to go over everything with me one last time because I didn't really understand the implications to any of his story. But that kind of investigation would have to wait. I needed as much information as I could possibly get, and I had a very short window to do so. Not just because our shift would start soon, but because it wouldn't be very long before someone noticed we were missing.

"Ask away Ms. Kyonko."

"Ok. First off, have you always been a slider, or is you being a slider a side effect of this new reality being created?" I began to interrogate. That felt like a very good question to open with.

"I guess, to put in to terms you can understand, I am both." That was not put into terms I can understand, just to interject. "I have memories of being a slider from long before this past Wednesday. However, from your perspective, it's possible that I have only been a slider since the day this all started. I can't really tell you if I have been a slider since that time 4 years ago or not. But, to me, I have."

"…" I stared in awe of what Tsuruya-sempai said. It made absolutely no sense to me what so ever. "Could you maybe make that a little more understandable?"

"Ha ha ha! I guess that did sound a little strange!" he laughed, "You know what the Theory of Relativity is, right?"

"Um sure…"

"Well think of it like that. The universe and its laws only apply to the one who observes them. So, if from your perspective I have only been a slider since a few days ago, then that is true to you. This especially applies if you are from a different dimension. You would be observing properties, people, and laws that don't necessarily apply to you, but are true to the world as it is."

I guess I kind of understand what he's saying.

"So you mean that, even if you believe that you have been a slider your entire life or since 4 years ago or whatever, my observations would show that this new reality is actually responsible for you being a slider?"

"Yup, but I choose to believe that my memories are right. It's kind of biased, but it would be like learning that your entire life has been a lie. Dealing with that isn't something I want to put up with."

I guess I could accept that explanation. Though it brought up more questions, and didn't really make figuring out whether this was a new world or if it was us being swapped with people from another dimension any easier, making this whole situation even more annoying. All that would have to wait for another time. There was something that had been at the forefront of my mind for a while that I wanted to see.

"I know you have told me you're a slider, and you know everything about what's going on because of this and that around Haruhi, but I still doubt this whole thing a little."

"I see! You want to see my powers! Well, nyoron, I would love to, but, like Koizumi, my powers have to meet certain conditions. I can't just build links to other dimensions. I have to find them. And if I used any of my other powers without knowing what was going on in this dimension first, the effects could be catastrophic. I'm sure the right time will pop up whenever we need it, so don't worry; I'll give you some visual evidence."

I thought about that for a little while, dissatisfied with that response. But there was nothing I could do. I would have to trust Tsuruya with this one. I mean it wasn't like I could force him to use his powers or anything. So I would just have to wait.

"Ok. One more question for now." I started.

"Go right ahead!" Tsuruya smiled

"Why would you-" just then the back door flung open to reveal a disgruntled Haruki standing like some hero from a boys action manga who is facing his foe for the last time.

"Just what do you two think you are doing out here!?" Haruki hollered.

"I-I-I" I stuttered, scrambling to find some sort of excuse that Haruki wouldn't believe anyway.

"I was just giving Kyonko some advice on waiting tables. She was having a hard time keeping up, so I thought I'd help her." Tsuruya said with a little slap on my back. Little? Actually it almost knocked me over. If I had my old body then it probably wouldn't have been that big a deal, but you should really learn to control your own strength, Tsuruya-sempai.

Haruki just glared disdainfully down on me, judging me for my sins against him by not informing him about this meeting first. He didn't seem too convinced by Tsuruya's lie.

"Hmm. Fine, but don't go off without telling me, you got that?!" he demanded. It was a good thing Tsuruya-sempai stepped in when he did. Even if I had came up with something chances are Haruki wouldn't have believed us. I figured that Haruki had finally listened to some reason.

Compared to the morning, the afternoon after we came back on shift was pretty slow. Not many customers came in, more than likely because many of the adults in the world either were at work or just outright couldn't afford this place. But there were just enough to keep one or two of the staff busy at a time. Haruki continued to sneak disapproving glances my way as the progressed, and I could sense there was sure to be some sort of "Death Penalty" after we finished are work for that day.

"Thank you for all of your fine efforts today." The manager complimented with a smile on his face, "I wish you the best of luck in getting to the bottom of this situation. I feel so bad for having you work here and then go out and investigate. It seems like a lot of work to burden all of you with." Thank you, Mr. Owner sir, for finally understanding my situation!

"Not at all!" Haruki chimed, "This is what the SOS Brigade is for! We handle these types of things all the time!" Isn't that sort of false advertising? I mean, the only real job we have had up until this point was finding the computer club president inside that hyper dimensional space camel cricket. And that was your fault, Haruki.

"These guys can find your employees no sweat! I recommended them didn't I? You can trust them!" Tsuruya-sempai announced, with a little too much praise. Careful, don't let all that get to Haruki's head. I don't want to think about what would happen if he all of a sudden began thinking we could tackle any problem or something like that. Things like world peace, world hunger, war, poverty; I don't think any of us are cut out for that sort of job. And, out of all of us, Haruki is the least qualified.

"Thank you again." The owner spoke, and then we were on our way back to the station. Just thinking that I would have to be doing this every weekend until we found these missing staff members made my body ache. If this disappearance was part of this big situation then it would sure be a long time 'till we found anyone, if ever. Could they have vanished because of this "new world?" Did they realize what had happened to them like we did and run off in terror? Whatever the reason, it was obvious that Haruhi's desire to be some great detective wasn't totally neutralized on that desert island mansion last summer. At least a small part of that was still kicking. And this time it wasn't a fake mystery we were collectively trying to solve. While Haruki played his hand at this little disappearance case, we were forced to divide our efforts between this club activity and the sexual reconfiguration we had all experienced. And to add the jumbled up mass of confusion, Tsuruya decided to throw his hat in the circle with his emphatic entry as a slider. It was troubling to see something like that happen. I didn't know if I could keep this from the other SOS Brigade members for long either. If anything, Nagato was probably alerted of Tsuruya-sempai's identity immediately after the change was triggered, if Nagato hadn't always known. The only real way to know if Tsuruya has been a slider all along, as Tsuruya-sempai himself explained, would be to find someone who can observe both of our reasoning from the outside. That would leave Nagato as the only candidate. I was going to have to consult Nagato about this. Even though Tsuruya-sempai didn't want me to tell the other members, this was a clue into discovering what the heck it was we were going through. It was the first clue we had been given, and I couldn't just ignore it. I could ask Nagato to keep it from the others, too, so Tsuruya-sempai wouldn't be all that upset.

We arrived at the train station and, as we got prepared to get our tickets, "Ok! You are all dismissed from today's activities!" Haruki barked at the turn styles

"I thought we would be investigating." Ms. Asahina commented.

"Don't worry about that. I had some things to do around here anyway, so I'll just do it myself for now. In the meantime I want you to go home, get some rest, and get ready for another hard day at work tomorrow!" Ok, something definitely seemed off about Haruki's behavior. He was just letting us go from an SOS Brigade club activity.

"But-"

"Don't worry about it. I've got everything under control." And with that we started to walk away. However, as with everything that Haruki says, there was a catch.

"Not so fast, Kyonko!" Haruki grabbed and yanked me back by my pony tail.

"W-what!?" I winced, "I thought we were done for today!"

"Not us! We are going to go around town and investigate! It is your penalty!"


End file.
